These Advice from My Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a few days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."